KPAO by Dave Cortright

Validation movie

A cute movie. Definitely worth the 15 minutes to watch.

Remove 3-D surface material in Microsoft Office 2007

Let's say you're putting together a big presentation over the weekend that your great-grand-boss will be presenting to the CEO on Tues. You've got several charts of data, and the the GGB wants them to "pop". After downing several glasses of pisco that's been sitting in your cupboard since your trip to Chile in 2004, you decide to check out the 3D options in Office 2007.

Microsoft revamped their graphics engine in Office 2007 and now they have all sorts of different 3D materials and lighting effects you can apply to any 3D shape: matte, glass, wireframe, transparent, soft light, flood light, sunrise, sunset... So you start playing around with them. It's kind of fun, but then you come to your senses. You're a designer, dammit. All this chart junk just takes away from the readability of the data. You're stuck with 3D, but that's as far as you'll go.

So you attempt to revert back to no 3D effects. And you look. And look. And look. And as unbelievable as it seems, it dawns on you that there is no way to clear these effects once set. You can change the effect. But you can't go back to none. It's a disease with no cure.

But. You think about it, and realize that these effects were only just introduced in Office 2007 and the new .xlsx file format. They aren't supported in earlier versions (.xls). So you Save As, choose .xls, you get a big scary warning dialog trying to trick you, but you're far too smart for Office's conniving UI. You Continue. And lo, the heav'ns op'n'd, and the angels did join in a chorus singing a joyful song of triumph. You have defeated the mighty gratuitous 3D effects monster. Edward Tufte would be proud.

Loss-proof luggage includes a starter pistol

As an ideas guy, I really love this. People who are required to check expensive gear and worry about damage, theft, or loss have figured out a way to game the system: include a starter pistol in every checked item. For some reason, a starter pistol is defined as a weapon. Therefore, luggage containing such a "weapon" requires extra procedures to secure and track them that don't apply to standard luggage. TSA regulations do require that the luggage for transporting weapons be hard-sided and locked.

Starter pistols aren't expensive, but they aren't exactly cheap either; as LifeHacker notes, "You can pick up a super basic starter pistol for around $16-20". Not bad, but we can do better, right?

What is a starter pistol but a fancy adult cap gun. You can get a decidedly un-fancy, non-adult cap gun for a lot less money. For example the Super Bang Snub Nose (pictured here) can be yours for the low price of $6.82 shipped. You probably can find an even cheaper one at a local toy store. Pull it out the package, maybe even paint it matte black if you want it to look more legit, and proudly declare it as a weapon the next time you board a flight.

I need to get a locking hard-sided case. Any suggestions?

TrialPay offers

Now that we finally ditched our DirecTV in favor of over-the-air HD and a Windows Media Center PC, I'm considering signing up for NetFlix. However, I know how valuable I am to NetFlix, so I wanted to find a TrialPay offer that would get me free stuff for signing up.

Cleverly, TrialPay doesn't explicitly list the companies that use its service. They want to avoid people like me that would otherwise sign up for the service looking to get a freebie. However, through the magic of Google's site: tag, you can browse through all of the offer pages on TrialPay's own site.

99% of it is crap software that I wouldn't install for free on my PC, let alone pay $20 for. I think I'm going for a free BustedTee.

Mohammed says "Let us go and worship other gods"

Why offend one religion with an image when you could offend two? This graven image of Mohammed (he's your buddy!) implores all people—but especially Christians—to worship him. If you believe the Bible is the word of God, then your instructions are pretty clear, no?

If thou shalt hear say in one of thy cities “Let us go and serve other gods,” which ye have not known... Thou shalt surely smite the inhabitants of that city with the edge of the sword, destroying it utterly, and all that is therein, and the cattle thereof, with the edge of the sword. And thou shalt gather all the spoil of it into the midst of the street thereof, and shalt burn with fire the city, and all the spoil thereof every whit, for the LORD thy God: and it shall be an heap for ever; it shall not be built again. Deuteronomy 13

Yikes! Last known address for Mohammed was Mecca, Saudi Arabia. Get thee to thine task!

(Oh and I want to point out that I didn't say that; Mohammed did. I'm merely a journalist reporting the news.)

Everybody draw Mohammed Day · May 20, 2010

The sad existence of a contract web designer

Thankfully I haven't had anything as bad as this happen to me, but the experience rings true.
Read the comic

Here was my favorite laugh out loud moment:

Never talk to the police; take the 5th

I'm going to sound like a libertarian here, but hey, maybe I do have some libertarian leaning. Don't put me in a box, man!

I had heard several stories on NPR and read more online about simply outrageous things the police do that seriously screw with the lives of people who are innocent. They can lie to you, bully you, and do all sorts of things to extract what they want out of you, regardless of whether or not it is moral, ethical, or true—as long as it is technically not illegal.

The best summary of why not to talk to police comes from a Professor James Duane, a law professor at Regent Law School in Virginia.



His reasons why:

1. Your statements can never help you, they can only hurt you (per Federal Rule of Evidence 801(d)(2)(A)).
   
2. Your statements are valuable to the police. Don't give them away for free. Use them to negotiate a mutually beneficial arrangement (e.g. immunity).
3. In a heightened emotional situation like an interview by the police, it's easy to lose composure and inadvertently say something that can be proven to be untrue.
4. Even true statements can be taken out of context and be used to support a case against you.
5. If the testimony is not video recorded and the police are going off of only their notes and memories, there is a chance that their interpretation/recall is different from your intended meaning.
6. Even if your statements are true, it can be challenged by erroneous evidence or testimony, which will make you look like a liar.

I'm convinced. And I'm posting this here publicly so that any judge or jury will know in no uncertain terms that if a police officer claims that I talked with him, he is lying.

I have the right to remain silent, and I am exercising my right.

Outdoor documentary parody

If you're a fan of the Banff Mountain Film Festival like I am, then you'll appreciate this parody of the "passionate athletes participating in an obscure outdoor activity" documentary. I love the details, like the "waking up early to drive to the ideal location" meme.

What wouldn't Jesus do? Hang Gliding

I regularly take my dogs to Fort Funston in San Francisco. It's the most dog-friendly park in the Bay Area. It's also where local hang gliders go to ride the updrafts against the cliffs. And every time I see them, I think of this cartoon. You can get it on a t-shirt over at Busted Tees.

A modest proposal to save the starving

More inspiration from Eating Animals by Jonathan Saffran Foer. According to Wikipedia, about 100,000 people die every day from starvation, or about 36 million per year. That's over ½% of the world's population that dies every year from lack of food. It's not a very nice way to go either. Long, drawn out, painful.

So what if we were to make a deal with these folks? We provide food and water to them for 3 to 6 months, or as long as it would take to get them back up to full body weight (and maybe a bit more). But during that time, they are confined to a single room, and can have no contact with the outside world. (OK, we'll allow family and friends to visit, but residents can't leave.) Then we slaughter them (humanely, of course!) and use their meat to feed other starving people? We will have to tweak existing laws to make this work, but I'm sure there are places out there desperate enough to give it a try.

This is basically the "deal" we have going with factory-farmed animals. We give you a few months of life in exchange for the meat on your bones. If it's a fair deal for the animals, it should be for people too, right?

OK, some might be a little put off by the cannibalism component. That's easy enough to solve. We'll feed the human flesh to the livestock, and then feed the livestock back to the people. Meat laundering.