Is it selfish to want happiness?

I don't have kids, and I don't want kids. According to Dan Gilbert...

If you beep people on a beeper while they're with their children and ask them how they're feeling, they're not so happy. But if you ask people what they like most in life, they say they love their kids -- their kids are the great joys of their lives. The way Dan puts it is that we're wrong. Kids really make us unhappy, but we think they make this happy. He gives different reasons why, but one reason is that we're fooled by the media. We're suckered in by this legend.

To me, it's an opportunity cost. I could invest my time and money into raising kids. Or I could invest it into other causes in the world. While most in society seem to choose the former, I choose the latter. But I do wonder how many people mindlessly have kids because that is the path society expects of you?

Comments

[Stacey Ashlund]

Sadly I expect that most people that have kids aren't even that introspective that they do it because society expects it. They just end up doing it thoughtlessly, and sometimes badly. I agree there should be licensing & testing for parents-to-be. That said, some of us have kids for other reasons - and I feel my time is invested both in raising kids as well as helping other causes in the world (including causes related to children, such as education and special needs). That challenge is not to lose oneself in the process. Thus the onslaught of "Mom blogs", the continued discussion into feminism, and "parenting" as the much-derided new term in the NY Times - http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/05/30/the-end-of-over-parenting/

Having kids is no more a sure path to happiness than buying a BMW, a big new house, or taking fancy exotic vacations. Ideally we'd learn to be mindful in all these endeavors.

[D Philip Haine]

Dave, you have no idea how absolutely wonderful it is to have kids!

It's a marvel watching them develop, a daily cuteness overload, and the sense of love is literally indescribable. Even on the most difficult days my wife and I look at each other and wonder how we got so lucky.

Take that baby hatah!! :-)

[bonafidebob]

I think if you beep people on a beeper (really? no cell phone?) while they're with any of their family in general (wives, parents, siblings) and ask them how they're feeling, they're not so happy. Family is like that. I bet most people are happier with their kids than with other members of their family, so in that way at least kids are a win.

Opportunity cost is an interesting way of modeling it. The thing with kids though is you need to include their kids, their kids kids, and so on. Effectively the return on kids can be infinite, as each generation gives a little bit more to the world. I bet it's hard to come up with another cause that has that kind of upside.

I don't think societies expectations had much to do with my having kids, but there's probably an instinct at play. If there's any genetic component to the desire to have kids, then presumably we're all being selected for wanting to reproduce, and if media is doing anything it's capitalizing on that desire to sell product.